Miss C’s Boudoir Experience - Columbus, Ohio
Are you a stubborn little know-it-all aries like me? Do you often think you have it all figured out? Are you constantly realizing that you actually still have a ton to learn and plenty of room to keep growing? No? Just me?
Well here is a little story about how my first ever boudoir shoot kinda rocked my whole world:
In January 2019, I had just returned from a year abroad and was feeling aimless, down on my body, and just kinda all around bad. After a few weeks of wallowing, I was determined to pull myself out of this extended funk.
Long story short (because it isn’t the main point of this story) this lil funk was the catalyst to me finding the most magical corner of the internet… fat babe central. I had always loved fashion and figuring out how to make clothes that weren’t made for me work for me anyway. So, I started sharing some of that with the internet and it turns out there were already plus-size people of all kinds absolutely thriving and posting it for all to see. Style creators, therapists, music artists, personal trainers, mechanics, and the list goes on and on. I immediately immersed myself in this community, began deconstructing my ideas about what it meant to be fat, and continued posting my story too.
If you have visited fat babe central at all, then you know that one of the best ways fat babes celebrate themselves is with a spicy boudoir shoot. Growing up, we are told so many things about our bodies. Growing up fat, we are told that our body is shameful and should be hidden, controlled, and shrunk. That our body could never be celebrated. That our body would never be desired and was ultimately standing in our way of finding love and living a full life… at least that is what I was told.
So when I first saw these plus size boudoir shoots, I was in AWE. It was so clear to me that fat bodies were hot and deserved to be on display, desired, and celebrated…but did that include mine?
After four years of being immersed in the plus size community and seeing countless boudoir shoots, I really thought I knew what I was in for when it was finally my turn to step in front of Emma’s camera. I was practiced in body positivity, learning about fat liberation, experienced in modeling (hell! I am even a burlesque performer) and born with an enviable confidence. I thought I had it made. As the date of the shoot drew nearer though, I began to get a little nervous. I adored every fat babe’s boudoir shoot I had ever seen. I always imagined how empowering that must feel, but this little fear started to creep into the back of my brain: what if I don’t feel the same way about myself and my photos?
I kept this fear locked away in a tiny chest. It didn’t deserve my time and attention, but it also just wouldn’t go away. Despite all my knowledge and self care and deconstruction, I was still intensely anxious about stripping down for this shoot. What if I can’t arch my back far enough? What if I don’t like the way I look in my photos? What if the outfits say 3x but don’t fit like a 3x? What if the furniture isn’t sturdy? When the day finally came to meet up with Emma, I had no other option than to employ the old reliable motto: Fake it ‘til you make it.
I arrived and my mind was racing with nervous energy, but I was only met with positivity. The studio was adorable and the attention to detail was impressive. From neon signs to a snack station to comfortable seating to the samples of past work decorating every free space. I was slowly but surely being put at ease.
I settled in and Savanna started my hair and makeup which was not only wonderful and relaxing to have done, but also turned out INCREDIBLY. Then I got to pick through the extensive client closet which had plenty of 3X options for me. I tried on maybe 10 pieces before settling on my three favorites. Despite my nerves, I am a risk taker at heart. So I picked the skimpiest, sexiest piece I could find…. and decided to kick off the shoot wearing it.
The rest of the session was a whirlwind. Emma was so clearly an expert photographer and I felt so safe in her hands. She gave thorough explanations, modeled poses, checked in with me often, and made great conversation. I am a sucker for positive feedback, so of course my favorite moments were when she would show me a sneak peek of the magic she had just captured. I couldn’t believe it was me in those photos!
I experienced a lot of emotions during the shoot from insecurity to confidence to silliness to pure euphoria, but the moment that had me deep in my feelings came after the shoot, when I was back in the little sundress I arrived in, sitting on the couch as Emma guided me through my gallery. I had really expected it to be difficult to choose some favorites… and I guess it was, but not for the reason I thought. Almost every photo made me gasp in delight. I looked sexy!! Cute! Stunning! Pretty! Powerful! Beautiful! AND… I looked like ME. That is the part that got me. My beauty was not because I had twisted and turned to conceal the parts of me that I was taught to hide. My pretty was not just my pretty face. Emma didn’t ask me to shrink myself. She had captured ME on full display just as I was.
So, for all my stubborn little know-it-all aries out there, just know we can fake-it-til-we-make-it a million times and still have to fake it again. Trust the process, challenge yourself, and know that you’re in excellent hands with Emma.
Curious? Want to learn more?!
